Friday, November 29, 2019

Technological Environment Analysis of Cathay Pacific Airways Essay Example

Technological Environment Analysis of Cathay Pacific Airways Paper Besides, certain electronic devices must not be used on the aircraft at any time such as Bluetooth, Wi-If and remote controlled products but now customers can use bile data on the plane, which is called connect. 4 It provides limited network service to costumers. Moreover, its in-flight entertainment system offers video channels, audios, games and reading materials on demand system for First and Business class passengers. Cathy Pacific is exclusively showing popular Cantonese television drama series onboard from last year. It can attract new customers onto the plane to try the entertainment system onboard. The series, produced by leading local TV station Television Broadcasts Limited (TV), further enhance the entertainment selection available for passengers. To conclude, the information technology can improve internal and external communications, raise revenue, cut service costs and improve the quality of services. 2) Technological advancement on weather forecasting Weather change is one of the reasons that lead to increase costs of Cathy Pacific. It may causes damage of the fleet and waste of fuel because of the unpredictable climate change. Nowadays, airlines could move flight times to avoid storms since the technology of in-flight weather forecasting is getting more accurate continuously. The improvement of radar and other weather- sensing technology complements become more accuracy then before. Not only for 7-day weather forecasting, it can even sense that there is an airstreams instantaneously. Therefore, the pilots can adjust the route of the airline to avoid unnecessary damage, and assure the passengers that it is safe on their trip. ) Energy Use of Cathy Pacific Energy uses is one of the technological factors. Cathy Pacific is committed to promoting environmental protection and limiting carbon emissions by investing in technology. Nowadays, the fleet of Cathy Pacific is fuel-efficient but flying unavoidably release carbon dioxide or other greenhouse gases into the atmosphere. Cathy Pacific has participated in a voluntary programmer called Fly Greener. 5 Passengers who want to take part in this programmer may use cash to buy offset the carbon emissions of their flight. The online calculator will calculate the quantity of carbon emission is released by the passengers’ trip. The passenger can decide to pay for one flight only or make a lump sum contribution. We will write a custom essay sample on Technological Environment Analysis of Cathay Pacific Airways specifically for you for only $16.38 $13.9/page Order now We will write a custom essay sample on Technological Environment Analysis of Cathay Pacific Airways specifically for you FOR ONLY $16.38 $13.9/page Hire Writer We will write a custom essay sample on Technological Environment Analysis of Cathay Pacific Airways specifically for you FOR ONLY $16.38 $13.9/page Hire Writer It shows that Cathy Pacific obey the polluter pays Renville to support environmental production. Moreover, those payments by passengers will be dedicated to Fly Greener for the improvement of the local environment. Although it raises the cost for limiting carbon emissions, it can show its good image to public. ) Waste management Since Cathy Pacific is committed to promoting environment protection, solid waste management and disposal is one of the most significant issues in the environmental management of the airline industry. Some of wastes come from in-flight catering service. However, Cathy Pacific is trying to do cycling and removal of waste management. For example, aluminum foils can be collected during food cart washing for recycling some Of the food waste would pass to the waste disposal factory to reprocess for animal feeds. ) Promotion Cathy Pacific makes use of hi-tech promotional method by moving its infilling magazine from prints to pixels. 6 The monthly Discovery magazine is available as an pad app and everyone can download it from Apple’s tunes Store for free. Such an app features the same content as the print edition, and it also includes embedded videos, high-resolution images. Those customers of Cathy Pacific can get the newsstands from their tablets and the content of magazine will automatically update each month. The customers are allowed to download the magazine onto their tablet to read in-flight. Conclusion of Technological Environment Analysis of Cathy Pacific Airways: Some of technological factors are beneficial to the development of Cathy Pacific even it costs a large amount of expenditure. Cathy Pacific has made use of the technological factors on such aspects that include communication, weather forecasting, energy use, waste management and promotion. For communication, the information system is flexible and reliable in Cathy Pacific. It is effective to enhance the interaction between the customers and the company. The customers can get the information and check their schedule conveniently. Moreover, Cathy Pacific provides a safe and comfortable trip for each flight. The accuracy of in-flight weather forecasting is keep improving. Cathy Pacific takes environmental and social responsibilities seriously. Limiting the emissions of greenhouse gas, recycling and reprocessing of food waste are its daily tasks. Moreover, it takes part in a Eng-term campaign called Fly Greener to support environmental protection.

Monday, November 25, 2019

Family and Easter Essay

Family and Easter Essay Family and Easter Essay Private 1 Private Dr. Private English Private 11 September 2014 E.B. White â€Å"Once more to the lake† is a common summertime escape from the city by E.B. White, 1941. White’s autobiography is about his family pattern vacation to a lake every summer. This small lake is were white created lots of great memory’s with his father. White remembered â€Å"the early mornings, when the lake was cool and motionless, remembered how the bedroom smelled of the lumber it was made of and the wet woods whose scent entered through the screen† (White 432). As he remembers past memory’s with his father. White now has a child and brings him to the same lake for a summertime vacation. But white is not enjoying his vacation because he’s confused about his past childhood memories and the present with his kid at the lake. He struggles identifying who he is as a father in the new setting with his kid. However, white’s confusion is normal, he’s not alone. Lots of people have childhood memories that change in ti me, for example people like me. My childhood memory was every year my relatives would get together to celebrate the Easter holiday. On this holiday our family goes to my grandma’s house in La every year for Easter. We would go to La the day before Easter to decorate eggs, prepare food for our big family dinner, and go to church early in the morning on Easter da Private 2 Easter day was the best as a child because I decorated eggs with all my relatives in the family. All my relatives would get together on the day before Easter to make eggs to decorate. We would decorate eggs to crack on each other’s heads on Easter day. We would make these eggs by first taking out all the yoke inside of them. Then painting them from the outside putting faces, names, numbers anything we wanted on them. After we would let our eggs dry under sun we would put confetti into them. I remembered some of my cousins would always joke about my eggs not being artistic as there’s. What I wo uld do with some of my eggs was put paint inside of them to crack on my cousins making jokes about my art, it was twice as funny seeing them dripping paint on Easter day. But as every year I did this they started to notice how I put paint inside of them without it coming out. My cousins began putting paint into theirs it became more extreme every year. However on the same day we decorated the eggs, our relatives would prepare the massive dinner for Easter Day. This massive dinner isn’t any ordinary dinner, it’s a Mexican dinner and would always be hosted by my grandma. Things I remembered about my grandmas cooking on Easter day was her chicken enchiladas with a special salsa on top, her pozole that head a spicy flavor to it and her tamales with cheese inside of them. This Mexican dinner had a receipt and was passed down from generations to generations leading to my grandma, because back in the day they didn’t have cook books. They had family or friends and if u were lucky enough they would teach you the recipe. My grandma would always be in the kitchen with her daughters and me also trying to learn her recipes but never happened. She would always put me to be the cleaning man in the kitchen, I would clean her dirty dishes and cooking area. Being the Private 3 cleaning person was the closest you can ever get to the food, I was honored because she would always give me samples of her food while she was

Thursday, November 21, 2019

Reaction Essay Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 500 words

Reaction - Essay Example The Empire needs to fulfill its resources and looking for ways to increase a revenue. Taking into the account that the war and the win were happening in inter-American region, William Pym’s claim seems quietly fair: â€Å"The benefits form the war was mutual, and consequently, the disadvantages should be mutual too† (Pym). It’s most unlikely for colonial opposition to argue Colonies’ duties to the Empire, because there’s no discussion on a fact of taxation. Moreover, Benjamin Franklin stresses that Americans already pays â€Å"many and very heavy taxes† (Franklin). Instead, there’s a controversy about who should have a power to set a needed taxation. In the light of the above, what William Pitt filmily defines due to The Stamp Act as â€Å"the errourness of founding principle† appears to be a concern that taxation is setting by authorities which don’t represent Colonies’ interests (Pitt). From American point of view, The Stamp Act is considered as an imposed issue, a higher hierarchical order which has in mind to tighten the control upon Colonies. To lighten the reasons of such a perception, a historic post- war look should be taken. Acts are coming out while the Great-Britain military presence on American continent, and when setting new duties, military forces can be used for imposing, despite that Benjamin Franklin in his Testimony doubts such an outcome of the case (Franklin). What seems important, along with taxation The Stamp Act doubts authority of American paper based operations. By imposing a stamp paper as the only legitimate one it proclaims above the law any other American stamped operations. In this context Colonies’ concerns on their Rights and Liberties to be encroached reasonably lead to The Stamp Act crisis. Yet, when reading William Pym’s article, no understanding of these concerns from a side of the Crown can be found. Then two most logical explanations can

Wednesday, November 20, 2019

Impact ofUuninsured Population Essay Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 1250 words

Impact ofUuninsured Population - Essay Example Health premiums alone rose threefold over average American incomes during the period 2000 - 04. This was largely the cause of 'under' insurance. A serious concern with Americans today is the possible fall out of being ill or injured in such circumstances. Most of the increase in the uninsured is due to an increase in the adult population to over 8 million equaled by a rise in the uninsured population to about 6 and a half million. About 4 million of this segment is below 200 percent of the poverty level. There are increases in uninsured even among the high income bracket of the population. Moreover, the shift in employment patterns suggests a large number veering toward employment in small size firms or self employment. Major figures for the uninsured or under insured are seen in this segment and most likely the trend will continue. The decline in employer sponsored health coverage will continue and costs of health insurance are far in excess of earnings and will continue to be so. Government intervention through public sponsored initiatives like tax credits or health programs is sure to be hampered by large budget deficits hampering state initiatives. In some states the growth in health care costs even outpaces state incomes. What are the implications in all this, fo... If the costs of health coverage are now being passed on to the individual, how do we widen the net to protect the underinsured and prevent the uninsured from drifting off into total hopelessness Suggested below are three initiatives can start and manage to face the risks from the uninsured population turning its back on us: Profit balanced with growth Product Mix Re-organize Structure (King, 2006) Profit balanced with growth drives the Business The issue - Economies of scale exist in the health care management industry but do not enable low premiums and ensure growth. Promotion of growth actually hampers profits as the issue concerning us is to be able to keep servicing our corporate clients, many of whom are offloading costs to each employee. We need aggressive double digit increases and pursue expansion of enrolments. Profits are important to us as they will help us survive a possible downturn caused by a low premium regime. Our goal would be achieve a premium yield of about 20% which would help us outpace the cost of expansion. This would come through our corporate clients It is suggested we that we prune down our client list to include those who would be able to share these costs. Ultimately, we would benefit from reducing the growing numbers of uninsured and passing off associated costs to those who can afford these. Degree of risk - Growth in enrollment would probably put us for a while in the path of unpredictable developments like rate of inclusion of new clinical technologies which would make costs spiral. This trend could be weathered by us as we have a mix of clients including those who came to us from other providers. This would be more preferable to the present trend of holding premium prices down in order to

Monday, November 18, 2019

Relationship of Regionalism and Globalism Essay

Relationship of Regionalism and Globalism - Essay Example This research will begin with the statement that there is a growing debate whether firms should use globalism or regionalism as their chosen approach. Globalism of a business indicates their international integration through the interchange of products, worldviews, cultural aspects, and ideas.   International marketing principle influence companies to have a consistent global strategy when they are operating internationally but they also need to adopt different tactical approaches to successfully operate in their targeted local market. On the other hand regionalization of a business explains the process of dividing the large market into small regional segments and formulating the product and ideas as per the difference in regional demand and cultural aspects. A very well known approach by multinational companies for their global strategy is to think globally and act locally. This view has been adopted by a large number of Multinational organizations and it has been proven as a succ essful theory. Various researchers have proven that a debate over the usage of adaptation and standardization in any organization commenced in the year of 1961. After half a century the debate is still on. Various arguments have shown that regionalism of any organization can be better than the globalism strategies. Globalism promotes communication across the borders and helps an organisation to successfully satisfy the requirement of consumers and market. This process involves changes in political and economic spheres of any organization. It also helps in bringing the world together. Researchers argue that the basis of the globalization of any organization is to compare the market operation in the home market with the operations in the foreign market. They also have mentioned that global standardization helps organizations to operate at a low production cost. It also helps them to treat the entire world as a single market and sell the similar product in the same way everywhere. Seve ral factors help an organization in the selection of their globalism strategies and tactics.

Saturday, November 16, 2019

Implementing A Mandatory Recycling Program

Implementing A Mandatory Recycling Program In a world where global warming and going green are common terms in the English language, it can sometimes be difficult to decipher what it all means and just what the individual can do to help. Recycling is a major issue today and though there is controversy about whether it is necessary and how necessary it may be, implementing a mandatory recycling program is imperative for the environment and the people that live in it. Recycling comes with many benefits and prevents problems such as pollution and habitat destruction. Currently, our recycling programs are poor, and in order to improve them, a mandatory measure needs to be taken. Some oppose to it because they claim that it is expensive, ineffective, not as environmentally sound as other options, and does not provide the job opportunities needed. All of these oppositions are not valid or strong arguments and will be proved wrong. Recycling is necessary to the earth and its inhabitants. Recycling can be defined as reprocessing discarded solid materials into new, useful products.  [1]  It can reduce water pollution which would then protect species and reduce habitat destruction. Recycling reduces air pollution as well which would then reduce the effects or process of global warming. Further, it reduces solid waste disposal as well as energy demand which make fuel supplies last longer. Creating a program to require recycling from everyone would clearly benefit a variety of environmental processes. Individual households as well as workplaces produce five major types of materials that can be recycled. This includes paper products, glass, aluminum, steel, and some plastic. In order to understand the benefits of a mandatory program, the two ways recyclable materials can be reprocessed need to be addressed. The first way is called primary or closed loop recycling. This is where waste is recycled into new products of the same type. For example, a newspaper is recycled b ack into a new newspaper. The second way is called secondary recycling or downcycling. This is where waste materials are converted into different products. For example, a newspaper is recycled into cellulose insulation. There are two different types of wastes that can be recycled; preconsumer and postconsumer waste. Preconsumer waste is generated in a manufacturing process and recycled instead of being discarded. Postconsumer waste is generated by the consumers use of the product. Both types are equally important to be recycled. Theoretically, anything can be recycled but it comes down to two important things. These two things are important in deciding how the mandatory program will work successfully. The first question that needs to be addressed is will the item be recycled? In the process of separating the wastes collected for recycling, some of it gets mixed with other wastes and sent to landfills or incinerated. Secondly, will consumers actually purchase the recycled products an d complete the cycle to make it profitable? In aid to a mandatory program, it would help if the government required a label that indicated how much of the product contained recycled material.1  [2]   Our recycling rates are poor, and seem even worse when comparing them to the rates of other developed nations. Both Switzerland and Japan recycle about half of their municipal solid waste or MSW, while the United States only recycles about thirty percent of its MSW. With a mandatory recycling program, studies show that the US and other developed countries could recycle sixty to eighty percent of their MSW. Some believe that we do not have a problem with our waste management. If the previous percentages were not enough, then the following statistics are more than convincing. The United States wastes enough aluminum to rebuild the countrys entire airline fleet every three months; enough tires each year to encircle the planet almost three times; about 2.5 million nonreturnable plastic bottles every hour; enough office paper each year to build a wall eleven feet high across the country from New York City to San Francisco.1  [3]  Clearly, wasting what could be recycled is a big issue in America. Requiring citizens to recycle would help reduce the severity of these waste problems. Now that the different types of recycling and the magnitude of the recycling problem has been outlined, claims to why we should not implement a program can be easily, successfully, and intelligently declined. It is argued that recycling is more expensive than trash collection and disposal. However, when designed right, recycling programs are cost-competitive with trash collection and disposal.2 When comparing costs of both methods, the cost of curbside recycling is usually compared with the cost of conventional disposal alone. The fallacy here is that with recycling, the costs of collection and disposal are displaced. Instead of this comparison, the average cost of collection and disposal should be compared with the overall average cost of collection and recovery. Through this comparison, the costs are very impressive.2 Additionally, the United States spends five-hundred million dollars a year on picking up litter.1 Mandatory programs would lower this number significantly. It has been found to be true that recycling is expensive in some communities. However, it needs to be noted again that when done correctly, it is much cheaper. Recycling costs less than traditional trash collection and disposal when communities achieve high levels of recycling.2 The communities that the data is reflecting an expensive program are still recycling at very low rates and are treating recycling as an add-on to their traditional trash system rather than as a replacement for it.2 This is often the problem when critics are evaluating the costs of a program. They often treat it as an add-on cost, and [it is] therefore expensive. 2 Baltimore Maryland is a great example of how you should transition into the program. They use the same trucks to collect recyclables as they do trash, separately and at different times. By doing this, Baltimore made their upfront costs minimal and created no increase in their solid waste budget.2  [4]  The economics of the entire situation improves when recycling is not an add-on to trash disposal, but it is integrated into the process. It is falsely assumed that we can only recycle twenty-five to thirty percent of our waste. This number was considered a maximum in 1985, however today it should be considered a minimum and a much higher percentage is achievable.2 Currently the US does only recycle about thirty percent of its MSW. Because of these two statistics, those opposed to the program often think of this percentage as a cap. However, this is untrue. Although the amount of solid waste generated has leveled off individually, it has continued to increase on a national scale and there is therefore more potential waste to be recycled. Rates of what is being recycled have increased dramatically since the 1980s and early 1990s. The growth of the recycling programs is especially responsible for the increase. A dozen states are recycling about thirty percent or more of their MSW, but among those states communities are recycling up to fifty percent.2 These numbers are much higher in these communities and are continuing t o grow because of aspects of programs they have implemented. They have put into effect waste prevention strategies, convenient services such as curbside and drop-off, economic incentives, and resident participation. If all of these strategies and more were implemented on a federal level to require a recycling program, all of our statistics would improve. 2 The third argument that those against recycling programs use is that landfills and incinerators are more cost effective and environmentally sound.2 However the truth of the matter is again, when designed correctly, recycling programs are cost competitive with their competition. Further, recycling programs provide pollution prevention benefits. When recycling, the pollution normally generated from landfilling and incinerating materials is avoided, and the environmental burden of extracting virgin materials and the manufacturing process is reduced.2  [5]  Even with low landfill tipping fees, it is still the preferable option to recycle. Currently, twenty two states have less than ten years of landfill capacity left.2 Some southern states even have as low as five years. Now, why is this important to know? We need to look towards the future. The new landfills that would need to be created could cost much more than the ones that are here today.2 Recently, the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), has issued that municipal landfills must install liners and leachate, the liquid that drains from the landfill, collections systems. Because of these new regulations, hundreds of landfills are closing, and fewer and larger privately owned landfills are remaining open. Fewer landfills results in increased transportation costs. As of now there might not be scarcity in land for new landfills, but new landfills are being created large distances from population centers. Long hauling and disposing municipal solid waste at distant landfills is already costing some cities on the West and East coasts between $40 and $70 per ton.2 These privately owned landfills may increase these costs. Studies show that privately owned landfills are much more expensive than publicly owned landfills by twenty percent, and publicly owned ones provide greater control over disposal activities. This all means that the existing landfills are a precious possession and recycling extends their lives.2 Although lack of land is not currently the problem for new landfills, communities do not exactly want to be dumped on. Therefore, a policy that reduces the burden on the environment and on local communities from the transportation and dumping of trash should be put into place.2 Incinerators are very expensive and recycling would be much more cost effective. Tip fees at incinerators built between 1989 and 1993 average $60 per ton.2 Incinerators built more recently have had to lower tip fees simply to compete with other disposal facilities. Montgomery County, Maryland is a great example of the how expensive the option of incinerators is. Montgomery County had to raise taxes to property owners just to cover the operating costs of its newly built incinerator after it lowered the facilitys tip fees in order to attract waste.2  [6]   Claiming that landfills and incinerators are more environmentally sound is not a valid argument. Even the best landfills contaminate groundwater from eventually leaking. As far as incinerators are concerned, thirty percent by weight of trash enteringà ¢Ã¢â€š ¬Ã‚ ¦exists as ash.2 This ash is a waste that contains high levels of toxic residue. Furthermore, they emit carbon dioxide, sulfur dioxide, nitrogen oxide, and other acid gases that landfills do not. One study found that Floridas largest incinerators were burning significant amounts of recycling materials. This is due to the fact that contracts are requiring governments to bring a certain amount of waste to incinerators. These contracts are posing a major disincentive to maximize recycling or waste reduction programs.2 In summary, although landfills and incinerators may have some benefits, they are preventing us from moving forward and implementing more environmentally friendly and cost effective methods. We need to plan for the future because what is cheap and easy now will not be in the future. It is much easier to prevent a problem, then to fix the problem once it is already out of control. The next myth about recycling is that landfills are significant job generators for rural communities, and recycling programs would take these jobs away. However, the fact is that recycling creates many more jobs for rural and urban communities than landfill and incineration disposal options.2 Simply sorting the recycled materials alone would provide ten times more jobs than landfilling. The biggest pay-off though is making new products from the old products. So many aspects of the recycling process provide thousands of jobs. New recycling-based manufacturers employ even more people and at higher wages. Recycling-based paper mills and plastic product manufacturers, for instance, employ 60 times more workers than do landfills. Product reuse also sustains significantly more jobs than disposal options. Computer refurbishing repair, for example, creates 68 times more jobs than landfills.2  [7]  There are 25.5 million tons of durable goods discarded into the landfills in American each year. If just half of them each year were reclaimed through reuse, over 100,000 new jobs in the recycling industry would be created alone.2 Recycling is entirely sensible from an economic standpoint.3 There are doubts about just how willing citizens would be to adapting a new waste disposal method. As we can see from this problem, it is evident that many households do not recycle at all. It is a valid point to question, would people even go along with a mandatory program? The answer, through polls, is yes. A survey conducted with Wisconsin residents discovered that ninety-six percent responded that they believe their recycling efforts are worthwhile.3 Although some may argue the statistic would be lower across the board of the United States, a number that high is very promising. It does not seem difficult to educate people on the environment so they understand why it is necessary for a program. Regardless of the doubts some people may have, a recycling program is extremely necessary for the people, the United States, and the whole planet. The benefits of recycling should diminish any doubts. Arguments against a program have all been proven to be weak arguments and even the biggest issue of economics has been addressed. It is a much better choice financially to implement a full recycling procedure. In a world where global warming and going green are common terms in the English language, everyone should be able to say they are doing something to help. Everyone should be able to say they are recycling.

Wednesday, November 13, 2019

Father of the Bride Speech with Humor, Sentiment, and Love

Father of the Bride Speech with Humor, Sentiment, and Love (Stand up, mobile phone in hand)† Well thank you vicar it is a bit inconvenient at the moment I am just about to start the speeches." I’m afraid there's been a bit of a hiccup in the proceedings; the vicar has just phoned to say that we have to do the registry signing all over again. It appears that the groom’s pen wouldn’t work so he borrowed the vicar’s. He was still having problems so the vicar said. "Put your weight on it†(To the bride) I’m afraid that you are now Mrs. 179 lbs. I'm only going to speak for a couple of minutes because of my throat. If I go on too long my wife has threatened to cut it. I've tried to memorize this speech, which isn't easy when you have the memory retention of a goldfish. So forgive me if I resort to my notes every five seconds. When the happy couple announced that they were going to get married, I asked them what that entailed for me and my daughter said that I would have to give her away. To those of you who know me well, that came as a bit of a shock as I am not used to giving things away. Selling maybe, but giving away, I ask you. However, I did a deal with the groom, your tickets for a Wimbledon tennis match for my daughter. I hope you’ll agree that he came out best. My wife and I would like to welcome the groom's parents and all relatives and friends of both families to this very happy occasion. There are also several people who I. wish could have been here but aren't and hopefully they are keeping an eye on proceedings from afar. I would like to thank the beautiful bridesmaids for looking after the bride, the vicar for a lovely service, his boss for the great improvement in the weather and the staff at the h... ...u in the bar after the speeches. (Be very careful with this joke. It backfired on me. My sister-in-law, who I love dearly, was dressed all in scarlet!) Anyway, I would like to finish off, by giving a few words of advice, to the newly weds. You must always consider the words of Oscar Wilde. "Women are meant to be loved, not understood.† Marriage will bring to you main things—loyalty, self restraint, obedience, a sense of fair play, and a whole host of other virutes that you wouldn't need had you remained single. Put the seat down after you. And remember those two invaluable words â€Å"Yes dear.†. And finally some musical adiue. (Play the first couple of verses of Bobby Vee’s version of â€Å"Take Good Care of My Baby†) And now, at long last, I hear you say, it gives the great pleasure to propose the toast of long life and happiness to the bride and groom. Father of the Bride Speech with Humor, Sentiment, and Love Father of the Bride Speech with Humor, Sentiment, and Love (Stand up, mobile phone in hand)† Well thank you vicar it is a bit inconvenient at the moment I am just about to start the speeches." I’m afraid there's been a bit of a hiccup in the proceedings; the vicar has just phoned to say that we have to do the registry signing all over again. It appears that the groom’s pen wouldn’t work so he borrowed the vicar’s. He was still having problems so the vicar said. "Put your weight on it†(To the bride) I’m afraid that you are now Mrs. 179 lbs. I'm only going to speak for a couple of minutes because of my throat. If I go on too long my wife has threatened to cut it. I've tried to memorize this speech, which isn't easy when you have the memory retention of a goldfish. So forgive me if I resort to my notes every five seconds. When the happy couple announced that they were going to get married, I asked them what that entailed for me and my daughter said that I would have to give her away. To those of you who know me well, that came as a bit of a shock as I am not used to giving things away. Selling maybe, but giving away, I ask you. However, I did a deal with the groom, your tickets for a Wimbledon tennis match for my daughter. I hope you’ll agree that he came out best. My wife and I would like to welcome the groom's parents and all relatives and friends of both families to this very happy occasion. There are also several people who I. wish could have been here but aren't and hopefully they are keeping an eye on proceedings from afar. I would like to thank the beautiful bridesmaids for looking after the bride, the vicar for a lovely service, his boss for the great improvement in the weather and the staff at the h... ...u in the bar after the speeches. (Be very careful with this joke. It backfired on me. My sister-in-law, who I love dearly, was dressed all in scarlet!) Anyway, I would like to finish off, by giving a few words of advice, to the newly weds. You must always consider the words of Oscar Wilde. "Women are meant to be loved, not understood.† Marriage will bring to you main things—loyalty, self restraint, obedience, a sense of fair play, and a whole host of other virutes that you wouldn't need had you remained single. Put the seat down after you. And remember those two invaluable words â€Å"Yes dear.†. And finally some musical adiue. (Play the first couple of verses of Bobby Vee’s version of â€Å"Take Good Care of My Baby†) And now, at long last, I hear you say, it gives the great pleasure to propose the toast of long life and happiness to the bride and groom.